Today's predictament

Decisions, decisions.

olivia wilde's ass is a uniter of nations.

Having just recently finished viewing both of the scrumptious Ms Olivia Wilde's latest offerings of assdom Horrible Bosses and Cowboys vs Aliens, I can safely attest to and annoint Ms Wilde as the most prestigious ass in all of Hollywood. I mean for the love of all that is assly this chick has an ass that no other can assend to. It is quite possibly a creation that could even move the most Tebowious of us to bumbling heathens. It is perhaps too perfected - the shape and texture is almost alien like - which I assume is an idea a self righteous Universal exec acquired in an Epiphany he exhibited while his dick was stuck in that glorious asshole, hence her being cast as just that, an alien. Which is totally kosher with me, because either alien or a goddamn fucking gorilla, that ass is getting smacked. Olivia, if Tebow is the patron saint of football, your ass is the patron saint of our collective straight mankind.

Fedex field

An awesome panorama I got of fedex field during the skins pats game on my fascinate rocking android 4.0 and I'm willing to bet I was the only person there rockin 4.0 whatsoever!

lauratickled ready and eager.

Fuck playboy, this girl is prime hustler material. Get on that, Mr Flint.

Come visit sunny philly!

Kaitlin Olson: quite possibly the only reason to ever even consider venturing to Philadelphia. It surely ain't for the dream team. Kaitlin Olson: also the only thing worth dreaming about in PA. Unless you attend Penn state at which point dreaming of being absolutely anywhere else at all is probably preferred.

The breast of Storage Wars

Somebody tell me how in the world of bidding thousands on salad plates has playboy not contacted brandi passante of storage wars fame? I mean the girl is more stacked then half those storage lockers they fight over every week. If I was jarrod i would say the heck with drooling over storage lockers packed full of junk, I'm gonna drool over this broad packed full of heavy chesticles. Doesn't Hef watch this show?

Open Letter to your Shitty advertising agency.

FROM: Concerned sleep loving citizen.

To all the grandiose overzealous advertising agencies of the 21st century:

It is not intuitive and is actually counterproductive and detrimental to the products your touting to include the sounds of multiple alarm clocks ringing in succession. The jolting sound of the devil device that grabs me up from my slumber and tosses me out in front of the Mac truck called morning time certainly doesn't make me want to reevaluate my car insurance affiliations. In fact, it riles the deep seeded hatred I have in technology whose only purpose thrives on promoting unnatural sleep deprivation techniques and makes me hate you, your oblivious agency, and the complete detachment of reality they represent by imploring such heinous advertising tactics. You should all be stoned to death. After my alarm goes off tomorrow morning will be the perfect time.