lauratickled ready and eager.

Fuck playboy, this girl is prime hustler material. Get on that, Mr Flint.

Come visit sunny philly!

Kaitlin Olson: quite possibly the only reason to ever even consider venturing to Philadelphia. It surely ain't for the dream team. Kaitlin Olson: also the only thing worth dreaming about in PA. Unless you attend Penn state at which point dreaming of being absolutely anywhere else at all is probably preferred.

The breast of Storage Wars

Somebody tell me how in the world of bidding thousands on salad plates has playboy not contacted brandi passante of storage wars fame? I mean the girl is more stacked then half those storage lockers they fight over every week. If I was jarrod i would say the heck with drooling over storage lockers packed full of junk, I'm gonna drool over this broad packed full of heavy chesticles. Doesn't Hef watch this show?

Open Letter to your Shitty advertising agency.

FROM: Concerned sleep loving citizen.

To all the grandiose overzealous advertising agencies of the 21st century:

It is not intuitive and is actually counterproductive and detrimental to the products your touting to include the sounds of multiple alarm clocks ringing in succession. The jolting sound of the devil device that grabs me up from my slumber and tosses me out in front of the Mac truck called morning time certainly doesn't make me want to reevaluate my car insurance affiliations. In fact, it riles the deep seeded hatred I have in technology whose only purpose thrives on promoting unnatural sleep deprivation techniques and makes me hate you, your oblivious agency, and the complete detachment of reality they represent by imploring such heinous advertising tactics. You should all be stoned to death. After my alarm goes off tomorrow morning will be the perfect time. 

The Redskinny

After a harsh loss in Dallas Monday night, local DC area scientists now believe they have pinpointed the exact cause of rapid redskin stinkage. A overtly lackluster performance at quarterback, scientists now say, can be attributed to the emergence of a thought-to-be extinct version (mcnabb) of prehistoric quarterback. This new starting redskins qb belongs to a species of quarterback just recently identified by local historians and is being widely acclaimed for creating a subspecies all of its very own. 

The prehistoric quarterback of the hometown skins from Monday night is being referred to as a new subspecies called Interceptasaurus Rex, belonging to the genus Ineptitudiactyl, a creature prevalent in this decades amount of famous quarterback chokes.

This is the second appearance of this not so rare species of quarterback to lead its herd of skins thus far this season, though scientists agree they have seen his kind before, but not of the magnitude that warranted for the branding of its own unique subspecies.

The season began against the giants with the extremely rare discovery of quarterback which is now become known as Convertasaurus Rex. Though officials claim this was the only one of its kind and has since become extinct.

Ride that cowboy Revis! Romo? No no!

They call me Tony Turnover.

Rocky Romo. You get the idea.

Romo is a shitty homo probably used to let Felix smash Jessica while he jerks off cuz he would choke if he actually got in on the action. (Originally published week 4 of football season.) Edit at week 13: Romo is now short for roman god. You or I are not to question his early season ineptitude and are to just continue worshipping in awe of his NFC domination.